In Greenbang’s mind, fossil fuels is a bit like that ex that you put a call in to after several pints and a kebab. You know it’s got to come to an end some time but you can’t just leave it alone. Maybe it’ll work out now, you think. But that’s just Greenbang. Returning to the real world, a consortium of three US universities has got millions of dollars in funding to stoke the world’s love affair with fossil fuels once again, by developing new technologies to make them clean and green.

The consortium of 75 scientists and associated student researchers from the Universities of Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh and West Virginia got a $26 million research grant to look at new fossil fuels tech, in order to squeeze out more power more efficiently from them as well as reducing their impact on the environment.

The states in which these universities sit boast massive coal reserves, so developing making coal a green fuel star would help them to supply the US with a headache-free source of energy.

Carnegie Mellon Chemical Engineering Professor Andrew Gellman said:

“We need to develop improved turbine generators and new fuel cell technologies that use coal-derived synthetic fuels, along with new ways to capture and store greenhouse gases instead of releasing them into the atmosphere.”

In its coal-greening efforts, the universities will look at:

o Materials for energy technologies
o Process and dynamic systems modeling
o Catalyst and reactor development
o Carbon management
o Sensor systems and diagnostics
o Energy conversion devices
o Gas hydrates
o Ultradeep and unconventional oil and gas production technology.

Perhaps Greenbang would be more sensible with her money should she ever fall into absurd riches.